A workplace tradition.

Hands up. Who’s done it? And did you feel guilty about it? Yep, throwing a sickie. We’ve all had days when we’ve woken up and just really not wanted to go into work. So then we have two choices – we either go into work, do very little productive stuff and mope about all day, or we call in sick! Now, we know it’s wrong and we know our bosses generally don’t believe us, but we also know that they can’t prove it!

However, there are some general rules and guidelines to pulling a successful sickie. Make it realistic, it’s got to be something that you can realistically ‘recover’ from in 24 hours – so you’re looking at the old faithfuls of food poisoning, migraine or the good old, (very) general stomach upset. Also, think before you phone. Most people automatically put on a ‘throaty voice’ when they call in sick, does it go with what you’re saying you’ve got? The next one is important. Very rarely call in sick on a Friday or Monday, these are the days bosses are looking for. Do not even consider on the Friday before, or Tuesday after, a Bank Holiday. If you do, you might as well call in and just tell them you’re throwing a sickie and you’ll expect your P45 on the desk on your return.

If you choose to deviate away from the illness call and use family emergencies, then remember what you’ve said before. Don’t be the person whose grandmother died four times (in fact, thinking about it, do not kill off family members, it’s just not nice). If you’re female with a male boss, gynaecological problems can be very useful (they can also provide further sick days, in the form of ‘appointments’).

Whilst you’re off, remember you’re meant to be sick. Do not go to the pub or shopping, you will run into someone from work! Also, do not sunbathe. How will you explain a nice shade of lobster when you were supposed to be on the toilet?? Sickies are days for lying on the sofa, watching daytime TV and eating chocolate biscuits!

Follow these guidelines and you should be able to relax and enjoy your day off. Long live the sickie!!

Disclaimer: the author can not take responsibility for anyone following these guidelines, getting found out and losing their job! All sickie throwers do so at their own risk.