Hunting in packs

I’ve heard several blokes say that one of the scariest things to see on a night out is a group made up purely by women. I have to say that a group of blokes is just as off putting.

When I was in London for the day with Mr Flirt, we ended up sitting outside a pub in Camden. It was a pleasant evening, only marred when a group of lads took up residence at the next table.

They were a typical group of lads, out on the piss and on the pull. They were quite loud, having already had plenty to drink and clearly felt, that as they were obviously undisputed Sex Gods, they were in a position to comment on every poor female that happened to walk past.

We sat and listened to their conversation for a while, not that we had much choice. After enduring a few minutes of tales about “shagging some bird” and some stuff about football that I didn’t understand at all, I turned to Mr Flirt and commented that this group of fine male specimens was an example as to why some women prefer to be single.

He just smiled.

A few minutes later, a group of girls (I can really only describe them as girls) came spilling out of the pub. By this stage, the only seats left outside were on mine and Mr Flirt’s table. They asked if they could share with us and we agreed.

We were then subjected to a mixture of screams and squeals over one of the girls’ new top, the sad news that the bloke one of them had met last week hadn’t called and the problems someone’s sister was having with her new partner. After a while, Mr Flirt turned round and informed me that this was an example as to why some men prefer to stay single.

Touche!

Just good friends?

I think it was in Harry met Sally that there was the classic line of “men and women can’t be friends, sex always gets in the way.”. So, is this true? I have a few male friends, some closer than others. With the majority of them, sleeping with them would not even cross my mind, it’s never arisen (so to speak!) and I really can’t see a situation where it would. Sure, with a couple of them, we flirt, but it genuinely means nothing. One is happily married and with the other it’s only when we’re both drunk, in neither of these cases does it mean anything at all, apart from a bit of fun. I know both their partners and it’s not an issue.

But there is one. We’re quite close and often see each other just on our own, we do go out in a group too but our friendship is mainly conducted on a one to one basis. Our friendship has evolved into one based on talking about sex and porn and flirting outrageously with each other. Every time we meet there is a lot of sexual innuendo, initiated on both sides. This is the same whether we are alone or in a group. We are very touchy feely with each other and invade each others space a lot. To be honest I think this has just become a habit between us, one that neither of us think that much about and just act as we always do.

Maybe that’s the thing. For the majority of time, sex will not get between male and female friends, certainly nothing beyond innocent flirting. But maybe, every now and again, you become friends with someone of the opposite sex where sex will be an issue between you, acted on or not, unspoken or not. I certainly hold my male friends close to me. Where else can you get an endless supply of a variety of males for different occasions, some protect you, some can act as dates and others can do your DIY.

It's not a shameful thing.

Loud and proud about your love for it? Guilty pleasure? Or complete turn off? Yep, I’m talking about porn! I love porn and use it on a regular basis, either alone or when I’m with a partner. I don’t want to go into the whole exploitation of women thing (maybe another day, but for the record, I don’t believe that it is exploitative in the majority of cases), I’m more interested in the enjoyment in it and some of the taboo around it.

It seems to be much easier for blokes to admit they like porn. They talk about it with their mates and I’ve had male friends that have watched it together (not in a sexual way, I’m not sure what it’s about – maybe a strange male bonding ritual?). In some ways porn seems to be a rite of passage. I don’t know many people who haven’t seen ‘Debbie Does Dallas’, or found their Dad’s or older brothers stash of porn mags.

Two of my friends know that I use porn – my best mate (female) and a male friend. Oddly, I’m much more open about it with the bloke (we exchange links and have quite a few conversations about it!). I don’t know if this is because it stills seems like a very male orientated pleasure. Hopefully this will change. Anna Span is Britain’s first female porn director, making more female friendly porn. And that’s the good thing about porn, there is something for everyone, whether you want hard or soft or what ever your turn on is, there will be a film about it.

I know several male friends who use porn but their girlfriends either don’t know, or they don’t want to share it with them. This seems to be because the girlfriend either thinks their bloke shouldn’t be doing it and views it as a form of cheating (I’m really not sure how that works, don’t they masturbate or ever fantasise about anyone else? It’s NOT cheating!), or they end up comparing themselves to the female star, assuming this is what their partner finds attractive (yes, of course they do, but they are with you and understand the difference between reality and fantasy, blokes are much more visual than women, who tend to go for a whole package). Sharing porn with your partner can be fantastic and a major turn on. And to be honest, I would have thought the blokes should have been more worried considering the stamina (and size!) of some male porn stars.

So if you haven’t tried porn yet and you’re curious, then give a mainstream film like 9 songs or 9 and ½ weeks a try, then go from there. You never know, you might even like it.

Just a trim?

So what kind of girl are you? Brazilian, Hollywood, or au natural? That’s right I’m talking about pubic hair. Pubes, short and curlies, what ever you call them we’ve all got them, but what should we do with them? There seem to be a few theories about why we have ‘hair down there’; mainly around showing you’re ready for reproduction and for trapping pheromones. But at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why we have it, we have to decide what we want to do with it.

It seems each ‘style’ sends a different message. Leaving it alone and doing nothing, generally creates a reaction of ‘so how long exactly has it been then?’ and blokes tend to worry slightly about getting hair trapped in their teeth! There is something slightly disturbing about a brazilian. Yes, it feels nice (once it’s done! Don’t forget there are hairs ‘around the back’ that are also removed, by you getting into some very odd and intimate positions!), it’s clean and increases sensation. But it always strikes me as a disturbing cross between pre-puberty and porn star.

Then there’s the Hollywood. I had one of these, thinking this would be a compromise between the two. Not an overgrown jungle that the poor bloke would have to use a map to get to his destination and not something that would leave me feeling like a plucked chicken! All was going well, until I showed it to him and was met with “A go-faster stripe! Cool!”, not exactly the reaction I was looking for.

There are also those who create their own designs. We’ve all heard of the women who have created a piece of ‘art’, this seems to be around Valentine’s Day, when the popularity of hearts and red dye increases tenfold! I’m also sure we’ve all heard of the woman (urban legend or not) who dyed her pubes green and got a tattoo saying ‘Keep off the grass’.

Blokes don’t seem to worry so much about this for themselves. The most they appear to consider doing is a quick trim, though I suspect that this is to do more with gaining the appearance of a few more millimetres!

I’m not sure what the future of pubic fashion is; it certainly seems to change quite quickly. Maybe the answer is for everyone to get rid of their pubes and wear a merkin! I hear there are some fabulous designs out there…

Sexuality and attraction

Let’s talk about sex. Or rather, let’s talk about sexuality. Two very different things. I was at a friend’s house for dinner the other week and we (after a couple of drinks!) ended up playing a game of ‘either / or’. You know the one – two options and you have to pick one, no ‘both’, ‘neither’ or ‘pass’, you have to answer! There were three of us, all female. We had done serious options (sight or hearing, love or money) and had inevitably ended up with sex ones (including George Bush or Gordon Brown – interesting responses!). The question was posed; a beautiful woman or an ugly man?

Now, I consider myself as heterosexual, though I have certainly been attracted to and fantasised about women. I have never slept with a woman, though when I was younger I have kissed female friends. However, that was nothing to do with sex, but more to do with putting on a show and getting attention from blokes in clubs (amazing the reaction you get, silly boys!). Sex is usually based on one of two things (if you have both at the same time, then good for you!): physical attraction or attraction to the person as a whole. We’ve all done it – set eyes on someone who has made us horny just looking at them, or realized over time that the person we know and consider a friend is much more attractive than we first considered them to be – that’s attraction to a person as a whole.

But in this scenario, sex with someone you don’t know and so based purely on looks, what would you do? Aesthetics are important to us, especially with sex, when we’re operating from a very basic level. It’s certainly easier for a woman to publicly say they think another woman is beautiful (though is often nothing to do with sexual desire, more an admiration of beauty), than it is for a male to say about another male. I’d be interested to know the answer from a male perspective (though I’m fairly sure what the majority would say) – so, blokes; ugly woman or beautiful man?

Sexuality is a fluid thing. Yes, we have our general preference, though attraction (if we talk about attraction to a person as a whole) is usually more to do with the person themselves than their gender.

And our answers? Two to one for a beautiful woman. I was in the majority. Think about it, what would you answer?