You dancin' ?

Dancing. You’re either a natural or not, you either have rhythm or not. I am not a natural dancer, nor do I have rhythm! The only times since I was 14 that I have danced in public have been when I have been very drunk or, when I was younger, under the influence of something more chemical based! Now, the extent of my dancing in public is a chair wiggle or, if I’m feeling adventurous, I will attempt a sort of shuffling feet, shaking hips, jiggle thing – believe me when I say it’s worse than watching your Dad dance.

When I was a kid I was sent to ballet. I didn’t do well at all and my teacher was despairing. Not only could I not get the moves but I was quite a tubby kid and, in my little pink tutu, I resembled a miniature hippo stomping round the studio! When I was about 12, the school I went to then had ‘dance’ as part of the P.E curriculum. My ballet days came back to haunt me. Though I was now much slimmer, I still couldn’t dance and could only watch those blessed with talent strutting their stuff whilst I still stomped round the room, even if I was now more giraffe like than hippo.

So there’s a large part of me that can’t believe what I am about to tell you. Best Friend and I are going to do this course. It’s one of four workshops, increasing in difficulty, run by the Ministry of Burlesque. I’ve been fascinated with Burlesque for ages now and would love to learn how to do it properly, it’s really sexy but without being sleazy at all. Also, the women are stunning. I never thought I’d be able to get anyone to go with me, but a few days after mentioning it to Best Friend, she said she’d like to come too. We both know that there will be a lot of both dancing and rhythm needed so we have been trying to get me up to a bearable standard by dancing in the privacy of her kitchen. I’m now at the stage where as long as I’m only moving either my feet or my arms then I can get by, both together and I’m back to stomping! At least it’s providing Best Friend with some entertainment…

I’m really looking forward to this, but have to admit, the thought of me learning the art of Burlesque and showing off my ‘moves’ makes me giggle. But what the hell – bring on the nipple tassels!