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Tuesday, 4 September 2007

Here comes the bride (with a remote control!)

Now, I know there are some crap TV programmes out there and there are some odd TV channels, but I have come across one that just seems weird. We’re all used to things such as the shopping channels, the god bothering squad and the ‘community’ channels but this is different. I have seen an advert for a station dedicated to weddings.

Amazingly, and imaginatively, it is called Weddingtv. The advert informed me that ‘what every girl needs is an excuse to grab the remote control’ and tried to sell weddingtv as the place where I will find ‘relationships, celebrities, glamour …and everything about weddings’. Sounds…umm, nice.

I’m sure that there must be a market for this kind of thing, but I can only imagine that their core group of viewers will be made up of wedding planners, Bridezilla’s and little girls feeding their dreams of their own weddings.

Disturbingly, I spent quite a while trying to think how they would fill 24 hours of TV, 365 days a year of stuff about weddings. Not being the type that has ever wanted to get married (no, not even as a kid) my knowledge of weddings is limited to the ones I have been to, which tend to be of the get pissed and fight variety, so I struggled a lot with this.

Conveniently they had a handy website to help me. There I discovered programmes such as World’s Greatest Spas, Rich Bride Poor Bride and Weird Weddings to entertain and advise the bride to be. There also appeared to be all sorts of essential information, but by this time I was slightly scared and didn’t understand what I was reading, so I left.

I can vaguely see the point of stations such as QVC (I’ve even been known to watch it when I’ve been in the depths of insomnia and BBC 24 just isn’t making sense anymore!) but a station dedicated to weddings? Maybe I’m missing something, but I just don’t get it.

I mean, their viewers must only stay for the duration until their wedding is over. I know there is a never ending supply of brides, but surely it’s only relevant to watch this before you get married. But it seems they have thought about this. On their website, there is a nifty feature called ‘My Wedding Album’. Yes, it is now possible to store your beloved wedding photos on a TV website – doesn’t that just seem slightly wrong? They obviously don’t think so. It takes pride of place in their advert, I guess that is their unique selling point and this is their proud parent moment.

It’s the blokes and friends of the bride that I feel sorry for. Up to now, there had just been the magazines to contend with and they weren’t too bad, it’s easy to hide something of that size. But, what do you do about a TV channel? I can see Sky subscriptions being cancelled all over the place…

10 comments:

Agnes Mildew said...

I was going to say, This is incredible...but, sadly, it isn't. I do not subscribe to Sky. This just reinforces to me, WHY I don't!

You should really refer to this post as a Public Information Warning!!

alcoment said...

What disturbs me more is what I learnt tonight. I was talking about this with Mr Flirt, who informed me that there is a channel dedicated to buying properties in Spain and 2 just for babies. Not ABOUT babies, but FOR babies.

I don't have Sky either and, like you, this is why.

Heather said...

wow. i can only think of one good use for such a channel.

torture.

imagine someone making you watch such nonsense for 24 hours.

you'd want to hang yourself - with the TV cord.

Agnes Mildew said...

FOR BABIES?? Oh no, I have heard it all now. On the one hand we are being told not to let our children become lard-a*ses with no ability to exercise, no imagination and to eat healthily, and then they go and indoctrinate them from birth with Junk TV.
Unfortunately, the Chavs on the social (who, for some odd reason CAN afford Sky, to smoke and to drink) will plonk their never-ending brood in front of this pap, and thus a perpetual cycle of brain-dead kids will emerge.
I'm going to move to the Outer Hebrides. Do you want to come?

fishwithoutbicycle said...

Eeek!! Good ol' British telly is becoming very American isn't it!! That's the kind of shite they have over here.

I HAD to get cable as the buildings in Manhattan make it difficult to get reception without it, God forbid I should not have telly. Shudder!! I have 'basic cable' - 150+ channels of nothing...well, except for CSI, I quite like a good show about murder, only the Vegas one though. I cannot STAND that David Caruso bloke on the Miami one. Ugh!!

alcoment said...

Wishful - see, that's a good idea! I can think of several people that should be the first tester's!

Agnes - I may well take you up on that! I have a suspision that the baby channels have subliminal messages in them to guarantee a never ending supply of TV addicts.

F - You have to have cable? That's not good. At least you are able to resist all the crap and only watch decent stuff!

Rosie said...

Just poke me in the eye with a stick and get it over with already. I had a wedding it was nice. My mother planned it and my dad paid for it. I showed up and got married. I couldn't get too interested or excited about my own wedding. I can't imagine watching a program let alone a whole network devoted to weddings.

alcoment said...

See, I've never had a wedding and nor do I plan to. But I've always thought that if for some reason I had to have one, all I'd want is for someone to tell me when and where to turn up and that would be the extent of my involvement! I have that little interest in them.

Anonymous said...

All I can say is THANK GOD, Melissa did not see this could have been an option before our own nuptials. My role as a participant was to shake my head and say yes dear to every decision she made, to hand etch the flutes (250 of them) so that no 2 were the same, design and print the invitations, reply cards and directional map and then show up in a tux and say "I do."

I would have liked the beach, barefoot with a few close friends, but she is a Southern gal and wanted a southern wedding, big, bold and glitzy.

I am just glad there was not a show dedicated to the mundane madness some of these women display. It helps that Melissa is not a TV watcher, did I say THANK GOD yet?

alcoment said...

Hand etch flutes? 250? Oh my God! I don't really know what to say.

I guess at least you had specific instructions!